We can all agree that blowjobs are pretty amazing! But what if you are home alone with nothing but yourself and crave that feeling?
Don’t worry! We are here to help. In this article, we will go through some of the ingenious ways you can simulate the experience of a blowjob without having to go out and find yourself a lover to do it for you!
Similarly, you may have a partner, but they are not the biggest fans of giving you head. You are about to have so many other crazy realistic DIY blowjob simulations you won’t have to bother your boyfriend or girlfriend again.
Staying Safe When Simulating a Blowjob
Before we give you all the fantastic ways you can give yourself your own blowjob, let us give you some safety tips first because we don’t want you hurting yourself, especially down there!
Items to Avoid
Let us dispel any other rumours you may have heard about giving yourself a blowjob. First, do not use a vacuum! That is a super bad idea because, yes, you get the suction part of the blowjob experience, but that is it, and after that, you are just getting a trip to the ER.
We don’t think you want to walk through the waiting room with a Hoover hanging off your privates!
Another item to avoid is the apple pie! We know; we have all seen the film “American Pie”. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea! With an apple pie, you may get the warmth and texture you are craving, but when you’re done, there will just be one big mess and maybe even an infection.
So please don’t put your stick into the pie!
Lastly, and we think this one is pretty obvious to avoid, but it is weirdly suggested quite highly in the world of DIY blowjobs, is raw meat! Firstly, why would you want to put cold pieces of ham around your member anyway? But even if you did, raw meat is full of bacteria that should not be near your privates!
You are just asking for problems, so please don’t look at a pack of lunch meat in a dirty way!
General Safety Tips
Now that we have gone through some of the items to avoid let’s discuss some general safety tips you need to know before simulating a DIY blowjob.
Stay Clean – cleaning your chosen blowjob device before and after and washing yourself thoroughly is vital.
Many of these suggestions are not technically supposed to go around your penis, so keep clean to avoid any nasty infections!
Protection – If you are worried about having an awkward conversation with your doctor, avoid it entirely and wear a condom.
You can get thin condoms that you barely even notice if you’re not a fan of the feeling, and if you think they will ruin the illusion, no, they won’t! They will just keep you safe, which is certainly not a bad thing.
Seven Different Ways To Simulate a Blowjob
Now for the part you have been waiting for, here are our top seven DIY suggestions for the best ways to give yourself a realistic feeling blowjob without needing anybody else involved!
1. Couch Cushions
A classic but effective. Now, we suggest you don’t do this on your brand-new sofa, but couch cushions are the perfect way to stimulate yourself and simulate the feeling of a blowjob.
To get started. All you need to do is:
- Get a protective sheet, towel or plastic bag and place it where you are going to penetrate.
- Then place a condom over your penis (to add to the warm feeling, get yourself either a warming lube or, if you are using a towel, warm that up on your radiator beforehand)
- Finally, place your member between those couch cushions and get to rubbing, and you will be in eye-rolling heaven!
2. Two Sponges & One Glass
This is the perfect way to simulate a DIY blowjob at home and have yourself an incredible time alone! All you will need to do is:
- Find a wide enough glass or jar and two washing sponges (soft side facing inwards, unless you want a rougher experience!)
- Then, place the sponges under warm/hot water until they have soaked up enough and place them inside the jar.
- Get a load of lube and douse your member thoroughly (again, if you have warming lube, it will add even more to the experience).
- Finally, slowly insert your penis into your sponge jar and enjoy the DIY blowjob repeatedly!
Let’s look at some foods you can use to simulate a DIY blowjob that you have around the house, or that cost little to no money to purchase.
3. A Lubed Plastic Bottle
This is a super quick and easy one. Just use an empty plastic bottle and ensure it is filled with extra thick lubricant. Place your member slowly in and out of it to get a wet suction sensation, simulating a blowjob.
4. Toilet Paper Blowie
This one is done by placing a cushion of tissue paper inside of the toilet roll tube and then adding a condom into the toilet paper tube. Then you secure the condom by flipping the condom band around the outside of the other end of the tube.
Add some lubricant and presto! A quick and easy blowjob simulator that doesn’t cost anything!
5. Banana-rama
With the banana, all you need to do is remove the fresh banana from its peel, clean it thoroughly, lubricate the skin of the banana, and then stroke your penis back and forth till you can see the Milky Way!
6. Perfect Melons
Melons are great for sliding up and down your member to achieve the simulation of a blowjob.
Just cut the ripe watermelon or honeydew melon in the way that will best fit your schlong. Then simply insert your penis in between. It will feel like someone’s mouth around you because of the fruit’s luscious texture and delicate flesh.
7. Warm Cooked Pasta
This is a creative and gratifying approach for mimicking the sensations of lips and tongue.
To achieve this, place your cooked noodles or spaghetti in a secure plastic bag (make sure they’re not too hot). Then, you can get pumping away. If you want to make them even more slippery, cover them in a bit of warm olive oil or lubricant.
Final Thoughts
Hopefully, these tips in this article have helped you decide how to give yourself the ultimate DIY blowjob and allow you to enjoy the bliss of a blowjob without having to ask a real person for one!
