There’s something just so funny about some of the sex toy reviews that you stumble across on Amazon.
Whether it’s first-time users completely blown away by the product, to people completely understanding just how much of a challenge some of the toys offer-up, you’ll no doubt be laughing reading these just as much as I was when finding them for this article.
Grab a brew and get ready for a laugh or two! These are 7 of the most hilarious, relatable, and downright absurd reviews for dildos, vibrators and adult toys on Amazon. Real users, and really funny.
Amanda – July 13th, 2020
Review Title: 😈SOUL SNATCHER😈🤯😍
Well, looks like Amanda was more than satisfied with the aptly named ‘Satisfier Pro’:
“Will rob your body & soul like a thief in the night! Mann when I read the review I was very insterested….bought it, used it, now I’m Fascinated!!!😭😭😭😭 As you can see a towel is NEEDED. I’m already a squirter but this product will yes I said WILL for a fact make you cum 2x or more in less than 20 seconds.
Not a moaner??? This will make you litererally cover your mouth. Not a squirter hmm might just transform your soul for a rude awakening😈😈😈.
Had to literally pick up the toy & tell it NO after my 2nd back to back orgasm & force myself to put it away. My exact words after reaching complete orgasm “ you’ve got to be the devil” 😂😂😂🤯🤯🥵🧐. Definitely worth the buy👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽”
Review Title: MY FAVOURITE PURCHASE YET !
Chiquita is more than a little bit excited about this cheap vibrator. Looks like she wants her friends to know about it as well, as she’ll be gifting them as presents – what a pal!
“Let me just say whoa !!!!
I immediately charged this thing up as soon as it got delivered and got to using it ASAP!!!
All I can say is Do Not underestimate this bad boy thankfully I was home alone and could scream my head off and had me shaking I used it on and off for 4.5 Hrs without a recharge and I promise you this thing had me gushing highly recommend I will definitely be buying more for secret gifts for friends lol”
Review Title: It lingers when you’re done…
Forget elicit means of leaving the atmosphere, just fire-up the Shibari Mini Halo according to Lady Macbeth!
“I write this in the aftermath of my Shibari Mini Halo’s inaugural use. I only have cell reception now as I reenter Earth’s orbit.
Btw, Mars is beautiful, you guys.
Anyway, ladies… Do not hesitate. I repeat, BUY THIS DAMN HANDHELD SPACE SHUTTLE. YOU WILL SEE VISIONS, YOU WILL DREAM DREAMS! YOU WILL BELIEVE THAT GOD IS A WOMAN!
If we get enough of these into women’s hands, we can overthrow the patriarchy, js.”
Review Title: Amazing!
Looks like your grocery shopping will never be the same according to this review. Not sure I’d be brave enough to try and pick up some milk whilst undergoing the rapid vibrations of this toy though!
Review Title: Prepare your body
Turns out that a seemingly innocent small bullet vibrator requires prepping your body for an earth-shattering orgasm, according to T from the United States. Maybe take a night off with this one T?
“I accidentally turned it on while I was first unwrapping and examining it and the first words out of my mouth were “Jesus Christ” because this bad boy has POWER. I showed my husband and he flat out said “that thing is gonna kill you” lol. It works great, is very quiet considering the power it harbors, has distinctly different vibration patterns, feels nice and smooth against the skin, and the battery lasts a decent while. My one “complaint” is that it is a tad small making holding it a little tricky, but a minor detail in the grand scheme. I still rate it 5/5 and would absolutely buy again and recommend to friends.”
Review Title: Prepare your body
Want to make your kitty purr? That wasn’t me saying that either… apparently that’s exactly what this toy does..
“My wife has used several different vibrators throughout the years, achieving countless orgasms with them, but this one immediately eclipsed all the others. Despite being in her early 50s, she lubricates quickly and profusely with the help of this apparatus and her orgasms are among the most intense she has ever experienced.
Review Title: Miracle or black magic? Either way, wow.
This clit sucker left one happy camper wondering whether it’s black magic which has crafted the toy. To be honest, after witnessing the Womanizer Pro in action, I can attest that this one does make you wonder about the magic behind the toy..
“I’ll just begin by saying that words really can’t describe how . . . um . . . “frugal” my wife is. I had planned on taking the secret of how much I spent on this toy to my grave. The thought of anyone spending that much on something like this, solely for HER would mortify her. She’s selfless to a fault. She’s a “giver” to the core and has reasonably serious issues ever “receiving” anything for herself. (I blame her mother, but that’s another story for another time, I’m just trying to give you a backdrop here.)
So it was that, when I finally decided to pull this baby out one night after she’d been such a gorgeous giver to me, she was immediately suspicious of it. What is this contraption, where did I get it, for her? Guilt, guilt, guilt etcetera.
Eventually I managed to relax her enough, and told her to just lay back and enjoy the ride.
Aaaaaaaaand she did. About seven or eight times before she begged me to stop.”
Have you got any hilarious reviews you’d like us to include? Got a funny review you want to send in for a specific product we’ve covered? Let us know in the comments below – if it’s funny and sex toy related, we want to hear from you!